Get Your Hockey Jerseys Out…

and shat on them, all over them.

Most of you have read today’s “breaking news” that the NHL has made a new offer to the players and hockey in 2013 is just a few signatures away.


Really, it shows just how much these millionaires care about you fans. I thought the NHL’s last offer was the final offer with issues that were “hills they will die on” Well miraculously, the NHL has moved off their death hills and has started to…wait for it…compromise.

These might be hills worth dying on...

These might be hills worth dying on…

This latest offer screams out to me that the owners have and had little to no intention of cancelling the season.  It shows there are no hills their dollah dollah bills will die on.  Why wait this long to start real negotiations? Why couldn’t this of started ages ago? Why? Because they knew to get the best deal you have to make the other party panic and poop themselves. Unfortunately for Bettman and the Zillionaires it appears Donald Fehr does not take poops. The owners have realized this constipation is going nowhere soon and are now trying to feed the players a nibble of a laxative.

Not sure if anyone else has likened union solidarity with constipation beforeCHRIS YOUNG/THE CANADIAN PRES

Not sure if anyone else has likened union solidarity with constipation before

Now we will watch the back and forth press conferences where each leader will try and paint the other leader as Satan. And then magically mid January both sides “regretfully” agree on a new deal. The owners will claim they compromised and moved away from their death hills for the love of the fans.  The players will say they sacrificed so much because they just couldn’t live comfortably with their Bentley’s knowing little children would go a cold hard winter without watching the neutral zone trap.

Please come back fans. By the way, you like my car?(Paul Hunter/Toronto Star)

Please come back fans. By the way, you like my car?
(Paul Hunter/Toronto Star)

I can’t wait to see the amazing PR campaigns the league and players will roll out after the CBA is signed. The hockey starved suckers will fall for all the garbage hard and will gladly fork out over a hundred bucks for tickets to watch their ice gladiators battle it out for a sip of Lord Stanley’s teat.

I’m angry because I am one of those suckers and I can’t help it.

I don’t want to come back, but I know I’m weak…so pathetically weak.

I hate you NHL…

hate you

you hear me Gary Bettman and Sidney Crosby? Hate…wait does that mean the hockey pool draft is on then? Damn it