Who’s Steve?

My friend’s and I are now in that age where everyone is married or locked down in long term common-law relationships. We have this running joke (it better be a joke) that each of our significant others has a secret lover named Steve. Whenever one of the wives/girlfriends goes away on a “work” trip or is having “girls night” we all bug the guy who’s left behind that his partner is really with Steve.

If you think about it, everyone has a Steve.  No I don’t mean everyone who is in a relationship is cheating silly. Everyone has that guy/girl in their life that they work with or maybe see everyday that can be considered a Steve.  Steve could be a co-worker, a person you always take the bus with, your favourite barista at a coffee shop, the server who serves you every week at the bar during Monday Night Football, etc.  Steve could be someone you innocently flirt with at work or someone you have absolutely zero interaction with (i.e. the server you drool over all the time that in reality would never touch you).



Now that I’ve got everyone paranoid about their partners wandering eyes, what does this have to do with sports? Well, it seems sports fans have their own Steve’s: sport teams they secretly pull for but would hate their buddies finding out their dirty secret.  So who’s your Steve?  Come on now, you know you have one…or maybe you’re a dirty little sloot and you have more than one Steve. Fine, I will share my Steve’s with you…no judging.


This seems blasphemous for me to admit to liking any other team than my beloved Blue Jays.  However, this secret love is very minor as my love for the Jays is bordering on unhealthy so there’s not much more baseball love in my body to share. Nonetheless, my Steve in baseball is the Pittsburgh Pirates.

I grew up watching the Pirates and Jays in the late 80’s and early 90’s. I was a big fan of Bobby Bonilla and pre-steroid Barry Bonds. When I played baseball I tried to emulate the Bonds bat waggle and cocky walk he did when he knew he hit a home run. Heck, the first baseball team I ever played for when I was a kid was named the Pirates.




I’ve loathed NBA basketball in recent years.  Actually, I all but abandoned the game after the Vancouver Grizzlies left town. However, I’ve been starting to watch more and more games and I’ve been secretly pulling for the lowly Toronto Raptors. The team is awful, but until Vancouver gets another team they will be my boys…shudder.


I don’t know if I have a Steve for football. I’ve liked the same 2 teams since I was a kid: the Green Bay Packers and the Denver Broncos. I have gone through phases where I have short flings with teams like the greatest show on turf in St. Louis, the 90’s version of the Steel Curtain defense in Pittsburgh, the Ray Lewis Ravens team that won with pure defense in 2000, the Patriots team that almost had a perfect season. Hmmm, actually all those instances qualify as Steve moments.


No Steve’s here…NONE. Even if I did I would not disclose. Being Canadian and having a Steve in hockey is a borderline criminal offence. I do know several of my fellow Canuck loving friends have NHL Steve’s….San Jose Sharks, Toronto Maple Leafs…you know who you are.

As you can see, Steve is everywhere. He’s with your wife right now, he’s likely on one of your fantasy sport teams, he’s in your ipod waiting for you to twerk to, heck I could be your Steve! If I am a Steve in your relationship don’t worry about it…I’m harmless 🙂